No one can ignore that Taylor Swift has achieved amazing success and popularity with her blend of country and pop. Not so fast says this cynical bastard. This kind of success just has to be manufactured. After extensive research, I "swiftly" (yeah, I already told myself to fuck off for that one) figured out her formula.
1 part hopeless romantic girl/ just a friend girl
1 part dream guy/ dream guy who's just a friend/ dream guy who ignores her calls (secretly because he didn't pull out)
1 part adversity (another girl, hard to find, fight authority, disapproving parents)
EQUALS
A TAYLOR SWIFT ALBUM
There it is. That's how you sell a fuck ton of records. Hey, wait a minute. This recipe for popularity seems familiar. Oh, I know. It's the plot of every 80s movie about high school. Let's see...
Hopeless romantic and dream guy, sounds like "Sixteen Candles". Dream guy who's just a friend and he has a girlfriend, probably "Some Kind of Wonderful". Hopeless romantic and a dude who won't answer his phone, "Adventures in Babysitting". Hmmmm, disapproving parents and a girl who's just a friend, definitely "Lost Boys". Dream guy who won't answer her calls and fighting authority, yep, "Rain Man".
Nice try, Taylor Swift. Molly Ringwald better be seeing some royalties for all this mopey country-pop bullshit.
Since I've cracked the code expect her next album to follow the exact plot of either 80s horror movies or a concept album for "Waterworld".
Maybe Kevin Rudolf can make a guest appearance. Or maybe he can tee bag a car battery.
Goddard Out.
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