New Dark Knight Trailer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gFwvozMHR4

Looks badass. Except for Bane's Vin Diesel xXx coat (0:16) and Catwoman's Occupy Gotham speech (0:43).

Perspective

After I saw The Terminal, I wanted to be terminal.

HBO casts 2008 election movie

So, HBO, the network that brought us Taxicab Confessions, G-String Divas, Cathouse, and possibly worst of all, Dane Cook’s Tourgasm, is currently working on an adaptation of the John Heilemann/Mark Halperin penned Game Change about the 2008 presidential election.

As of now, Ed Harris will play John McCain and Julianne Moore will play Sarah Palin. Okay, I can totally see Ed Harris as McCain, but come on, Julianne Moore? Does she really have the acting cred to pull of Palin, one of our most original and unusual political figures since William “Corn Cob Cock” Whipple. In Boogie Nights, she was a coked out pornstar/mother figure to Dirk Diggler. She served up wholesale shit as Clarice Starling in Hannibal, essentially dragging her ass on Jodie Foster like a dog dealing with drippy diarrhea. And, let’s not forget she was the bitch doctor who snitched on Richard Kimble in The Fugitive. Mind your own fucking business, I have to find a one-armed douche. So is she qualified to be Palin? Maybe.

I have two actresses in mind to play Sarah Palin. The first, Angelina Jolie. She could probably pull off some Palin. The second has actually played Sarah Palin, well, Serra Paylin, Lisa Ann. Either way, whoever got the role will bring home some hardware: Jolie, an Emmy or Golden Globe, Lisa Ann, AVN Crossover Star of the Year Award.

Should be an interesting movie. I just hope that HBO gets Urkel and Carlton to be those Black Panthers intimidating voters. At least, a Wayans.

Goddard Out.

Patch Adams = Terrible

In case you forgot, Robin Williams, once upon a coke bender, made a little movie called Patch Adams. I know what you’re thinking, the movie is about a clown hanging out around a bunch of terminally ill people, we should bring diapers because we’ll be pissing ourselves laughing. Wrong.

But this movie has everything: Robin Williams contemplating suicide, crude jokes about boners and skeletons, terminally ill people, the classic “one vs. the world” courtroom scene. It also has Phillip Seymour Hoffman trying to redeem his career after his role in Twister as a gay writer in the 1950s. Wait, that was Capote. Well, he did something mildly retarded in Twister and he’s trying to bring himself back from it for some reason. Patch Adams incorporates the shitty jokes and puns that become hallmarks of post-Oscar win Robin Williams movies. Don’t even get me started on the steaming pile of whale shit that was Bicentennial Man.

No, Patch Adams blows because it pisses on its central message: laughter is the best medicine. Throughout the whole movie, Patch “Snatch” Adams was going around acting like Dax Shepard making all these sick or injured people laugh to keep their minds off the fact that they were dying. If the movie ended there, that’d be fine…but it doesn’t. Patch’s girlfriend gets shot in the face with a shotgun by a mentally disturbed patient. There was no knock-knock joke cheesy enough or red nose shiny enough to put her skull back together. Maybe the filmmakers were using this as a point of contrast or to show how fragile life is or to raise awareness of gun control and not to sell shotguns to mental patients which seems like a lay-up even the new guy could handle.

Goddard Out