Movie Reviews-Pt. 2

Before I begin with the review of Raiders, I'll have to preface this with how awesome Indiana Jones as a movie character is. He ranks highly in the pantheon of cinema badasses. John McClane. Han Solo. Pennywise the Clown. Batman. Snake Plissken. Rooster Cogburn. Vader. The list goes on. Anyone whose first name is a state has to be able to back up his badass resume and Indiana Jones does.

The movie was slated for awesomeness. George Lucas and Steven Spielberg both had a hand in the production and direction of the movie. Well, the movie is about Indiana Jones' search for the lost Hebrew Ark of the Covenant before the Nazis can get it. So we already have a sweet storyline involving Nazis and Jewish people. Along the way, Indy has to get a headpiece from a girl, Marion, he basically threw on the scrap heap of life, sexually and emotionally. And his friend Sallah, a Cairo based digger who likes to sing Gilbert and Sullivan operattes, modern day, he'd be singing Rent.

So, after some sweet chase scenes, Indiana and Marion are tied to a stake and have to watch the Nazis open up the Ark. Instead of finding the Ten Commandments, the Nazis get their shit melted, literally, by the power of God through the Ark. Indy and Marion survive because they're not planning on wiping out six million Jews in the next few years. The Ark gets put in storage. Roll credits.

I think the best aspect of the movie is the villain. Not the Nazis but Rene Belloq, the French archealogist and Nazi-sympathizer who helps locate the Ark. He's a bad guy not because he's evil but because he's just a douche. He doesn't do anything too malignant other than aiding the Nazis. He does, however, act like a total tool around Indy, Marion (who he's trying to lay, but French men weren't appealing to women until 1951), and the Nazis. If the Ark wouldn't have killed him, the Nazis would have sent him to Dachau for some experiments on sphincter circumference.

Raiders was followed by three sequels, two of which were sweet, and one had Sean Connery. Yes, Crystal Skull sucked, but let it not overshadow the awesomeness of the previous sequels. Spielberg has hinted that Shia LaBeouf will assume his role as Indy's son in future movies.

Don't fuck this up, Even Stevens.

Goddard Out.